I still dont get it, I cant forget you.
and it makes me feel so wrong to love you.
or is it just that choosing a wrong path?
Im trying real hard just that i cant do anything.
Its like a permanent marker written in my heart.
This is something i might want you to see
but i dont think you will ever see it.
Its written somewhere in this post.
This is something tha i will never have the guts to say to you.
11 29 75
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Miracles?
Have you ever believe in miracles? I bet you wont until you seen one by your own eyes.
I thought that miracles would happen but it doesnt seem to work for me. The fact is, i dont believe it. And now i know that miracles does not exist, i shall move on.
I cannot stand the way i am right now. I need to change back my life. The only way to change it is to move on. Without moving on, i'll be stuck on the same pace forever and never look forward. I guess its the end, and time for me to let go.
I might say that i will let you go but in my mind theres always you inside somewhere. Almost every night i sleep i think of you. And sometimes it made me couldnt sleep. This is suffering. I dont want to suffer in this way. So its time for me to delete you from my mind. Hoping that i can format my mind.
And yes i might be childish for doing those stuffs and i would like to say sorry if i caused any problems. And for now, its time for me to leave the arena.
I thought that miracles would happen but it doesnt seem to work for me. The fact is, i dont believe it. And now i know that miracles does not exist, i shall move on.
I cannot stand the way i am right now. I need to change back my life. The only way to change it is to move on. Without moving on, i'll be stuck on the same pace forever and never look forward. I guess its the end, and time for me to let go.
I might say that i will let you go but in my mind theres always you inside somewhere. Almost every night i sleep i think of you. And sometimes it made me couldnt sleep. This is suffering. I dont want to suffer in this way. So its time for me to delete you from my mind. Hoping that i can format my mind.
And yes i might be childish for doing those stuffs and i would like to say sorry if i caused any problems. And for now, its time for me to leave the arena.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Hate my parents.
I really do hate my parents.
My mom and dad. Seriously. And my Grandma
My dad always make empty promises. Never ever he fulfill what he said to me.
- Wanted to buy me a new electone since last year.
- Wanted to buy me a new pc since last year
- Wanted to buy me a new drumset
- Wanted to bring us on holiday
etc..
Bla bla bla. He never did any of these. These more still but cant really remember all the small little things. And yet, sometimes i said i 'FORGOT' to do his stuffs, he will show me that angry face and raise his voice at me. What la. He never gave me what i want and i must fulfill what he wants?
Just like yesterday. He called a chef back. He called his friends over to eat. HIS FRIENDS RIGHT? And i have to serve them. Fine. Serve then serve. But yet, I couldnt have a nice dinner. After im done working, the food will surely be finished up. Fine. Have to wait for another food to be served. Okay. I finally got some food, but then im not full. When i want to get somemore, finished again. What la. He never even think of us. If we didnt take the food before it was served, we surely cant eat it at all. After those few dishes, me and my sis are not full at all. And then, my dad called us to go buy some ice for him. Cant he go buy himself? We're like his servant. And then on the way back we ended up buying domino's for ourselves.
And somemore he doesnt give me my allowance monthly. Its always like I have to go to his wallet and take it for myself. If theres money then im lucky. If theres no money then im going to school without money. Crap right? So sorry for those if i still owe you money or i have to borrow money from you. And when comes to fees, i have to ask it from him. He always says no money no money. Fine. then the fees will be dragged and taken over to the next month. And then the next month when i ask money from him, he'll go 'WHY SO EXPENSIVE? WHY DIDNT YOU ASK FROM ME LAST MONTH?' What la. Bloody hell. Then when i started explaining, he thinks im giving excuses.
My mom also another one.
Shes really really thinking too much. Sometimes even talking to herself. She always thinks shes right and im wrong. And also always messing up my time. Sometimes i really want to do something else but yet she insist me of doing another thing.
Bla bla bla. And recently shes telling me how bad my grandma and aunt used to treat her and stuffs. If she really want to tell then tell someone else la. She came and tell HER OWN children. What will the children think? Do you think theres still a happy family there? I dont think so. And my mom complaints about my dad to us.
My grandma. A serious factor.
So grumpy always. Calling you to do this and do that. Whenever not done properly then she complaints. And when she complaints you cannot talk back. If you talk back she'll tell my dad and my dad comes and scold me. For serious shit, who she think she is? The Queen? With her smelly breathe and her face always so black. Whenever you dont call her when you see her also will kena. Always complaint about the maid showing her black face. She should look into the mirror and see. See who's face is blacker. And sometimes she dont see the maid around, she complaints that the maid is not doing her work, being lazy bla bla bla. Just that she's upstairs washing the toilet and stuff. And because of her, the whole house is unhappy.
I swear that i'll never treat my kids how they treated me.
My mom and dad. Seriously. And my Grandma
My dad always make empty promises. Never ever he fulfill what he said to me.
- Wanted to buy me a new electone since last year.
- Wanted to buy me a new pc since last year
- Wanted to buy me a new drumset
- Wanted to bring us on holiday
etc..
Bla bla bla. He never did any of these. These more still but cant really remember all the small little things. And yet, sometimes i said i 'FORGOT' to do his stuffs, he will show me that angry face and raise his voice at me. What la. He never gave me what i want and i must fulfill what he wants?
Just like yesterday. He called a chef back. He called his friends over to eat. HIS FRIENDS RIGHT? And i have to serve them. Fine. Serve then serve. But yet, I couldnt have a nice dinner. After im done working, the food will surely be finished up. Fine. Have to wait for another food to be served. Okay. I finally got some food, but then im not full. When i want to get somemore, finished again. What la. He never even think of us. If we didnt take the food before it was served, we surely cant eat it at all. After those few dishes, me and my sis are not full at all. And then, my dad called us to go buy some ice for him. Cant he go buy himself? We're like his servant. And then on the way back we ended up buying domino's for ourselves.
And somemore he doesnt give me my allowance monthly. Its always like I have to go to his wallet and take it for myself. If theres money then im lucky. If theres no money then im going to school without money. Crap right? So sorry for those if i still owe you money or i have to borrow money from you. And when comes to fees, i have to ask it from him. He always says no money no money. Fine. then the fees will be dragged and taken over to the next month. And then the next month when i ask money from him, he'll go 'WHY SO EXPENSIVE? WHY DIDNT YOU ASK FROM ME LAST MONTH?' What la. Bloody hell. Then when i started explaining, he thinks im giving excuses.
My mom also another one.
Shes really really thinking too much. Sometimes even talking to herself. She always thinks shes right and im wrong. And also always messing up my time. Sometimes i really want to do something else but yet she insist me of doing another thing.
Bla bla bla. And recently shes telling me how bad my grandma and aunt used to treat her and stuffs. If she really want to tell then tell someone else la. She came and tell HER OWN children. What will the children think? Do you think theres still a happy family there? I dont think so. And my mom complaints about my dad to us.
My grandma. A serious factor.
So grumpy always. Calling you to do this and do that. Whenever not done properly then she complaints. And when she complaints you cannot talk back. If you talk back she'll tell my dad and my dad comes and scold me. For serious shit, who she think she is? The Queen? With her smelly breathe and her face always so black. Whenever you dont call her when you see her also will kena. Always complaint about the maid showing her black face. She should look into the mirror and see. See who's face is blacker. And sometimes she dont see the maid around, she complaints that the maid is not doing her work, being lazy bla bla bla. Just that she's upstairs washing the toilet and stuff. And because of her, the whole house is unhappy.
I swear that i'll never treat my kids how they treated me.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Urghh. my mom always likes to screw things up.
She dont even understands me and yet she wants to control me. -.-
She dont even understands me and yet she wants to control me. -.-
Friday, August 28, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Decided to give up. Im jealous. Why dont i get what i want?
No point trying anymore. What fucking thing did i do wrong?
Makes me feel more sad every single day. All i see is people get what they want and i dont. Fuck you.
No point trying anymore. What fucking thing did i do wrong?
Makes me feel more sad every single day. All i see is people get what they want and i dont. Fuck you.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Do you know how it feels like to smile when deep inside your heart is sad?
Its like a smile that you rather not want to smile. Its like forcing yourself to smile.
A forced smile will never be as sweet as a true smile from your heart.
Open up your heart. Dont let anything bug you.
Always be happy.
Do you know how it feels to know the hurtful truth of a sweet lie?
Everything goes so sweet and nice and then someone breaks it by telling you the truth.
And you might hate the person that told you the truth.
Accept the truth and forgive the lie.
The truth is something you should know and the lie is just to make you happy.
Do you know how it feels when you are so unlucky for the whole day?
Anything that you do or wish for will never go your way.
Everything you do will be screwed up in the end and you get nothing.
You maybe unlucky for that day but always remember 'A better tomorrow'
Make a change for tomorrow.
Do you know how it feels when you're being lonely?
They seems to be people around but but they just seem like strangers to you.
Whatever you do they wont bother about you.
Dont make yourself feel lonely. Go out there and be wild.
Dont be afraid to join others.
Its like a smile that you rather not want to smile. Its like forcing yourself to smile.
A forced smile will never be as sweet as a true smile from your heart.
Open up your heart. Dont let anything bug you.
Always be happy.
Do you know how it feels to know the hurtful truth of a sweet lie?
Everything goes so sweet and nice and then someone breaks it by telling you the truth.
And you might hate the person that told you the truth.
Accept the truth and forgive the lie.
The truth is something you should know and the lie is just to make you happy.
Do you know how it feels when you are so unlucky for the whole day?
Anything that you do or wish for will never go your way.
Everything you do will be screwed up in the end and you get nothing.
You maybe unlucky for that day but always remember 'A better tomorrow'
Make a change for tomorrow.
Do you know how it feels when you're being lonely?
They seems to be people around but but they just seem like strangers to you.
Whatever you do they wont bother about you.
Dont make yourself feel lonely. Go out there and be wild.
Dont be afraid to join others.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
It always suck when bad things happen. I just wish that bad things just go away. AWAY. Maybe its my fault that bad things are happeneing to me. Maybe. Sigh.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE YOU?
GET OUT OF MY DAMN LIFE.
GO SCREW SOMEONE ELSES LIFE.
Okay fine. Maybe im just really going through a really unlucky period. Things never been my way since then. How nice if i could go back into the past where everything is free from all these pain.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE YOU?
GET OUT OF MY DAMN LIFE.
GO SCREW SOMEONE ELSES LIFE.
Okay fine. Maybe im just really going through a really unlucky period. Things never been my way since then. How nice if i could go back into the past where everything is free from all these pain.
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